I don't know what I've done in life to find myself down this road. I have done my best at making choices in friends and associates. Kept my distance when I felt out of place. I have even forgiven the mistakes of those whom hurt me the worst, even when I knew I shouldn't.
I find now, that I am learning what a true friend is. And that I don't have many. I try my hardest to be supportive, honest and a shoulder. I am in no way perfect, but I try...and once again it has gotten me hurt. Only this time, 20 years hangs in the balance. Some things are minor and petty~ I'll be the first to admit, to some, this is simply that. But when you have been there for EVERYTHING, forgiven EVERYTHING, NEVER ONCE be hateful or hurtful to someone...then just be replaced. Pushed aside...it's devastating. I had someone ask me a very honorable question on Friday...I said yes. I was honored...then today with no warning...thrown under the bus like an old gum wrapper.
At what point do we cut our losses and say goodbye? I don't know, I can't answer that, as you can see, I'm not good at doing that. I continue to stick around only to be abused again, and again. I told my husband tonight, "Sometimes it would be easier if I didn't love so much, if I didn't need my friends...but I do." I hate hurting like this. I haven't cried like this in a long time, and it sucks.
I guess 20 years of dedication means nothing anymore....
